Sunday, September 19, 2010
Voodoo BBQ (New Orleans, La)
House lights cut out, stage lights are on...curtain opens.
Kathleen: "What would you like to eat for your birthday before the BBQ tonight"?
James: "How bout' BBQ"?
James: "I heard Walkers out on Haynes is suppose to be good".
Kathleen: "Lets stay Uptown because I know it's your least favorite area of New Orleans".
Kathleen: "Since you've already reviewed Ms. Hysters and Sequel for your blog, what's another BBQ place Uptown you can review"?
James: "Well, there's Voodoo...never been...I'm sure it's horrible because their sign looks a little too fancy, they have a twitter account, things are a little too clean over there, and it's Uptown".
Girl #1: (nods head)
Kathleen, James, and Girl #1 walk into Voodoo BBQ (where the cleanliness had a more potent smell than the actual food).
Server/Cashier: "Because I have to work here, I'm going to give you an attitude for placing an order. Even though an order requires as little from me as pressing a few buttons on a computer screen".
James: "Ok, I apologize that my order will cause you to do little to no work. Since the whole process of using your brain is enough to upset you, I'll make my words short and simple. I will also try my best to keep my words no more than 2 syllables".
5 minutes later...a microwave bell sounds
Microwave Bell: "Ding".
James: "Wow, even though I'm dining in, I'm being served with plastic ware and a spork. Lucky me".
James: "Wow, this brisket is very average. Let me go refill my water glass".
James: "These ribs are super ok. Let me go refill my water glass again".
James: "The pulled pork is tasting like pulled pork. I'm still thirsty, let me refill my water glass".
Kathleen: "Is it me or is this plane jane BBQ a lil' salty".
James: "I can't finish this BBQ or I'll end up like Lot's wife (from the Bible)".
Girl #1: (nods head)
James precedes to the counter and struggles to catch the the eyes of any of the three people that are "working" behind the counter.
...10 minutes later...
James: "Can I have a to-go box"?
Cashier: "Excuse me did you just ask me to work? I don't get paid for that".
Cashier: (hands James a to-go box) "Your Welcome".
Curtain falls, audience applauds. Actors then precede to the stage for a bow. A random person gives Girl #1 a bouquet of flowers.
James then precedes closer to the audience with a 2 foot stool. James places his right foot on the stool and leans on his right knee with his forearms as he engages the crowd with his charisma and charming looks.
James: "Listen, I'd rank Voodoo BBQ as a good meal compared to any T.G.I.Friday's frozen TV diner packages they sell in the freezer section of your local grocery store. Let me make this clear, Voodoo BBQ isn't bad...it's just not good. I'm going to go out on a limb and say that Voodoo BBQ is a scaled down Corky's BBQ (That is not a good thing)".
Crowd is filled with tears and emotion as they stand up a second time for yet another standing ovation.
On a serious note, my search for good New Orleans BBQ still continues...my list continues to narrow itself down as the blog continues...will I find good BBQ in New Orleans before I die? Stay tuned...
Voodoo BBQ will be receiving a 2 out of 5 stars.